VENTING

Well, I am in a foul mood.  And since I am sitting in my room alone, and have no one to vent to, I figured that I would vent my frustrations here:

Money is the devil...  And my day job is a demon.

Let's see, I worked my day job today.  I have heard that the word JOB stands for Just Over Broke.  But in my case, I have a job, and I am still Just Under Broke.  It's a JUB.  I am a waitress (ha ha, me and every other young, aspiring female in LA without a taste for prostitution) and by the end of my shift, I had a grand total of 10 tables.  That's it.  AND of course, the electricity bill was due, and the tips from 10 tables did no cut it.  I ended up having to resort to selling a bunch of my clothes out of the back of my car in the parking lot outside after my shift.  Perhaps I shouldn't complain.  I did end up selling enough clothing to pay the bill, and have 4 dirty dollar bills left over (which are now gone, because Scobra and I had to eat).  Glorious... Bullsh*t.  Now I can't make a meeting tonight that could give RTB a lot of new opportunities because there's a $10 cover for the place we're meeting at.  Even cooler... NOT!

The day even started on a tragic note: watching my neighbor get his car towed because even though he paid the outstanding tickets on it, the city didn't have it processed in time for it to count.  OH! And did I mention that I actually SHOULD have a few dollars in my bank account, but apparently when I deposit a check, that takes a lot of "processing" time too.

RAAR!

There's more that I could complain about, like how many times a day I get sexually harassed at work... But what's the point?

I'll just keep chuggin' along, like the little engine that hopes to high heaven that she can.  And as for all of my complaints, while I feel trampled, I'm not done yet.  This little lady has developed a decent pain threshold over the few years that she has existed thus far.  I even feel a little silly now, for being such a baby about this.  Don't think that I don't know how lucky I am in so many ways.  Ah well, I guess that I just needed to vent.

Sorry to whoever read this and thought that I was going to say something more interesting.

El Fin,

-Dion

ABSTRACTION

I came to the conclusion today that I have taken on the role of explorer of the human experience and emotions.  So perhaps that is why life can seem so intense feeling at times.  Although, realistically, I'm sure that everyone feels that their life is intense (and justifiably so too) in some way.  At least that's what I think anyway...

I have had a lot to think about lately.  And part of me has gotten frustrated with myself for not being more 'time efficient' and spending too much time just thinking.  But then at the same time, a large part of who I am, and what I make from my point of view, comes from processing a lot of information and forming opinions about it.  And in a certain sense, I feel as though all that I really do in life is go in and out of fazes of acceptance.  I go from a state of accepting what has been bothering or confusing me.  As in: processing a lot of information and coming to some sort of conclusion as to how I feel about it.  And then discovering some new thing (or things) that have completely exploded my beliefs and shattered what I thought I knew.  Which is again, troubles to me.  So then I begin the process all over again towards acceptance.  

On one hand, I believe that this is a wonderful way to live.  It certainly keeps my rate of growth and expansion up.  It keeps me from getting stagnant as a person.  It means that I am constantly in a state of learning new things.  But on the other hand, from strictly a struggling-living-being-point-of-view: it can be taxing.  It's as if, like muscles, without the proper nutrients even the soul can experience growing pains.

And I would be remise if I didn't at least recognize in myself that the last bit above may very well just be my own weakness towards creature-comforts.  I've ranted previously about my feelings towards the concept of 'comfort as a value'.  And I still think that comfort tends to lead to stagnation.  And yet at the end of the day, I am still just a creature.  I can't spend my life thinking that it's all about a struggling fight against our own fabric.  And I don't.  But it's still an interesting thread to follow...

I remember my freshmen year of english. It was then that I then concluded while arguing with many of my more privileged peers, that I don't think it's wrong to want something other than what you find yourself given when you are born.  The mother of invention after all is necessity.  And while I also think that it is equally possible to live one's life being perfectly content with what you are given... Well, given that us humans were blessed with an imagination, a large part of me likes to stick it out and see what sorts of wild dreams can be accomplished.  Who says there are limits?  I haven't seen any concrete ones yet.  In short, I wonder at the absolute phenomenon of the human imagination, and the power that it lends to us.

As I mentioned before, I think that, at least at this point in my life, I am an explorer of the human experience.  But the thing is, I don't find it necessary to do so in such a literal way.  To me, the best way that I have found thus far in experiencing humanity in all walks of life has been just that: imagination.  In many respects, I think that imagination has been our creator and our salvation (words to be taken more figuratively than literally).  It is to me, what gives us our past / history, our view of the present, and our expectations and goals for the future.  But it remains a tool that isn't connected to the rigidness of time.  It isn't literal.  And I am excited in many ways because I see such a potential in us leaving the information age, and entering into the conceptual age.  And what better tool is there in such an age than the imagination?  Or, I guess that I didn't phrase that quite right.  What I meant to say, is that I think that imagination has probably always been the most powerful tool in any given "age" or situation.  But I think that on the broad-scale of things, in the past it has always been used within the confines of the literal.  I guess what I'm saying is that I am just excited for the potential, on the broader-scale scale of things, to at least become more open to the use of this tool beyond the "grid".  But then... who quite knows what I'm scribbling about, and maybe it's all just me.  Either way, even if just in myself, I look forward to the house of the literal falling away.  No more doors and windows, opening and closing.  Just the open sky, and freedom.

Signing off-

Dion Vox

Keepin' on

     AH!!, sometimes I wonder why I have such a hard time posting more often.  But then, when I really think about it, I know exactly why.  When I have a lot on my mind, I tend to be very internal about how I weigh and process it.  And to be quite frank: I have had a lot on my mind.  I'm not saying that it's a good excuse, or that I should even be making any... I'm just saying-.

     See, and now I find myself in the same spot: I have self depreciated, and now what the hell do I write?  Money? Never had enough, still don't, maybe someday though...  Opportunities? Tons of them! Too many to really even keep a running list of.  I'm a lucky duck.  Music?  We recently posted two new songs, Bend, and Phenomenon Jubilee.  They were both recorded some time ago, and then got put in the "vault".  RTB can be quite a force, and within the last year and a half or so, we have scratched out at least 140 songs.  Often times, I will record the vocals, and then we will just move on to the next song without even playing it back.  So there's a healthy bunch of songs that we have laid down, that I have never even heard yet.  That was kind of the case with Bend.  Then, Phenomenon Jubilee was a song we recorded back in the earlier days (as in the winter before last).  I always liked it, longed to hear it again, and sang what I could remember of it to myself in the car...  So it was really fun for me to be able to share it finally!

     Ah, and then I suppose, if nothing else, I can run through a few cool new updates.  As I mentioned before, we got this great 'sponsored song' deal with Microsoft Windows through our ReverbNation site.  We get to give away free downloads of our song Catalyst, and then Windows pays us 50 cents per download.  Totally cool right?  Right.  And it was also rather flattering to see who our "competition" is.  They have some great other bands that they chose along with us.  And thanks to Scobra's tech-know-how and all of his cool friends, we have been steadily making our way up the charts both with the Windows sponsored songs, and ReverbNation.  I'll be honest, we've been on the charts (towards or at the top) for a while now.  And while I couldn't tell you what any of the literal or tangible benefits are of this, or even what it really means, it still strikes me as very cool to know that normal people who just work too hard, can actually accomplish things like that.  

     Well, I think I'm chatted out.  I will return and write something more artistic or poignant soon.  I'm very distracted right now because what with the fourth of July coming up, I keep hearing fireworks going off.  Only I live in the middle of Hollywood, so I am not used to the fireworks sound, and I keep thinking that there are raging gun battles going on down the block... so yeah, distracted.

     COOL! 

check out our ReverbNation site, there's a green banner with a sad-girl in the corner, and a bright yellow button to the right that you can click on to get Catalyst for free :)

http://www.reverbnation.com/ramonatheband

Over and Out

-Dion