My coworker Kim (yes, I will fully admit that at this point, I still have a day job) is wonderfull and a terribly literate writer. From time to time, she'll leave me these great quotes about art and the artist, said by the likes of Plato, to present day musicians. So yesterday when I was working with her, she gave me this great quote that I thought would be interesting to write about.
"The reason normal people get wives, kids, hobbies, whatever... That's because they ain't got that ONE thing that hits 'em that hard and that true... I've got music. You've got... "this". The thing you think about all the time; the thing that keeps you just south of normal - Yeah... makes us great. Makes us the best... All we miss out on is... Everything else."
-American Blues singer (wish I knew his name... but I don't)
The whole concept of this conversation started about a weeek ago when we were both discussing the pressures of maintaining a "normal" social life. It sounds kind of silly, but when you have friends, family, and loved ones, it can be hard to explain to them why you can't always, or almost ever, spend time with them. From their point of view, it would seem that you do not care enough about the relationship to make them a priority. Which is a sad way to feel. But from the artists perspective, I find myself caring so deeply, that it promts me to care on a more universal level. In a sense, those whom I love, can act almost as a muse of inspiriation for my larger vision of what and whom I love. This "love" is a big part of what pushes me forward in my creativity. Because to me, art without opinion is imitation. And the opinion comes from a sense of honest feeling. And in order to honestly feel, and KNOW what it is that you're feeling, you need to be open to it.
Now just being open to this can be quite alienating and hard. Imagine really feeling all of the gritty emotions that you would normally just suppress, or slough off. Now imagine taking those emotions, forming opinions about how they make you feel, and why you feel them, and then purging it all into art. Suddenly, things like just trying to go grocery shopping become significantly more intense, and potentially even painful. Of course, being open also lends itself quite nicely to the purest feelings of joy and happiness too. So I can't exactly knock it by any means. It is just a more intense way of experiencing.
Then there's the other aspect of what Kim and I were really talking about, and that's that ONE thing that you may or may not have smoldering inside you. If you haven't got it, then congradulations, you will probably lead a relatively painless life, and that's wonderful. Because to hold that ONE thing inside of you means nothing less than leading a life with a lot of pain and sarifice. If you have got it, but you're satisfied with leading a life of supression and quiet frustration, well... that's your call. Just know that those things usually have a breaking point, and it often leaves victims. And then there are the people like myself, who have a sort of passion burning so heavily inside of me, that if I don't appease it by letting it loose in the form of art and creativity, well then I start having emotional problems and I become filled with a lot of frustration and rage. This all sounds quite dramatic, and to me, it kind of is. That is not the sort of existence that I want to live my life leading.
There was a period of a few years where I was in school (we're talkin' middle and early high school) and I wanted to be finished with it so badly (and I had very few friends) that I threw myself headlong into my school work so that I could get it out of it, and also so that I wouldn't have to think about anything else. I thought that by replacing my dreams, passions, and longings with science, math, and spanish, I could subdue my true feelings until I was able to pursue them unfettered by age. But what I got instead, was a feeling like I was dying inside, and even though the cure for this illness lay right in front of me, I could not yet reach it. These years were the years where I deprived myself of writing, acting, singing, just creating in general. And now that I look backo them, I feel like it was a terrible thing to do. I was deeply, desparately unhappy because I decided to try and do what was the social norm, and praised thing to do in that community. And at that time, I saw that as to be a highly programmed robot who can spit out facts, and acomplish tasks that all of the big colleges require of them. So then, this robot can go to college for further programming, leave college, get a job in which they accomplish the tasks that they have been programmed to, and all is well in the status quo.
Now perhapse it now sounds like I am looking down on that whole academic scene. I just want to clarify that I am not. What I just stated above was how all of that made ME feel. I imagine that others probably feel honestly and rightly different. And I applaud that just as loud.
But for myself: I have an unquenchable fire inside of me. I don't even know why, or how, or when. I couldn't even tell you if there's a purpose behind it, or if it is fair. All that I know is how I feel, what my opinion is about that feeling, and how to let it flow from me. Everything else is beautiful to me, wanted even. But without my art, I don't think that I can have anything else. My art may consume me, but without it, I would consume myself. So for the sake of keeping myself around to see what some of those Everything's are...
I'll a keep on chuggin' along on the tracks that I've got.
-Dion Vox
1 comment:
I just want you to know that you managed to sum up everything I have been trying to explain to the rest of the world for years. All of it. Thanks for this. It's nice to know that, among the consummate artist demographic, I am "normal".
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